I can't believe I'm going on an actual stakeout with Chris Jericho. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. And you're the star of Nothing to Report. You know how to do a stakeout.

Yeah, well, Nothing to Report is about two cops analyzing their feelings while they're on a stakeout. So I know what it's like to be on a stakeout. I know the feeling behind it and yeah, this is the way the cops do it. So you you pull up at the curb. Okay. uh just wait because we don't know what's going to happen. Yeah. You know, you gotta be very uh very uh cognitive.

I'm ready. Do you wanna, you want some coffee?

Well, you never know how long you're gonna be sitting here for.

Oh, really? Like how long?

Well, hours. Like sometimes 12 hours. I just, I I was supposed to text someone. I

No, no, no, no. No. You have to wait to return them later. No problem. until the stakeout's done. Because if you look at your phone and you're sending a text to your friend Martha, "Hey Martha, I'm on a stakeout." You look up. Suddenly, somebody's dead. And Martha could be guilty. She could be.

Didn't you say you talked about your feelings on the show?

Uh yes, I did. Yeah. Lots of feelings going on in the show. Yeah.

What are you What are your feelings right now?

Boring. Boring, isn't it? You know what?

What?

I have an idea.

What?

Can I take you on my version of a stakeout? We're hanging out, honey, we ain't got no business here Here we are. Mhm. This is my version of a stakeout. We're actually

Much better.

cheers.

Much more civilized as well. Mhm. That was like the busiest street in LA. And you're also very conspicuous. On a real stakeout, you'd be terrible.

Listen. Everybody was looking at the window going, "Hey, is that Chris Jericho?" And it and then of course they can see, "This is, is that a bear girl with no clothes on?" It looks like I could have been naked. Right. Like what is Jericho doing with that naked girl? They're the worst stakeout partners ever.

So, if this were a real date, a real stakeout, you tend to do these like a little ridiculous questions to get to know each other. Like this is like our first date. Even though we've known each other for like five years.

I know we really have. We've never been out of the I was a little bit weird. I'm like, "Who is that? Who is that striking young lady?" First of all, I want to talk a little bit about the show, Nothing to Report. Yeah, it's it's a web series / digital programming on Comedy Central. It's basically about two neurotic cops that exchange and share feelings with each other while on a stakeout that never ends. How about this? Hmm. I lost my virginity at 12 to a six foot four field hockey chick. Big, beefy, domineering. I had no experience so I just did what I was told. And I assume that's how sex worked. So you still?

Yeah, I don't do a thing unless the girl tells me to.

I would love that. I would love that. You know why?

Why?

My shrink tells me I'm a sexual illiterate.

Oh, what does that even mean?

It means I can't read sexual cues resulting in confused direction.

Oh, that's just made up and stupid. Why don't you ask my wife about my funeral?

Random questions with Chris Jericho. Are you ready? Which emoji defines you?

I always like, for some reason there's a this doesn't define me, but my favorite emoji is there's a guy walking just like really boring. And there's like a poop emoji that I always stick behind the guy walking. And it makes me laugh. Cuz either he's farting or he's walking so fast there's a dust cloud behind him. But my thing is, why is there a poop emoji? Why is there an eggplant emoji? And that's very phallic. There's a poop emoji. There's a poop emoji with eyes, which is good. But I think my whole attitude, you stick two of them together, I end most of my texts with the guy who's winking and thumb up. So it's like, thumbs up. That's the one.

That's a fun one. Can you spontaneously laugh and make it sound real?

Oh. Oh my god. I was a party. It's dead. They ran out of punch. So I gave them some shots. And scene.

What did you dream last night?

Wow. I had a dream the other day that I was on like a castle and I was running with a girl, but I didn't know who the girl was. And then there's like a rope and I I swung across this chasm. I I just watched Game of Thrones, so apparently I was in in the medieval times.

So the girl wasn't wearing a yellow dress?

No, she wasn't. But she was more like a kind of a fur kind of a jerkin, as they call them. Fur a fur jerkin. Fur jerkin. Wouldn't it be cool if you could uh, still dream, if you could press a button on your head and you could print out your dreams? Your dream. You know like And look at it, here's the picture. Here's the girl, right?

Can you speak the words to the national anthem?

O Canada, we stand on guard for thee. True patriot love. No. Wrong already. True patriot love in all our son's command. In glowing hearts, we see thee rise. The true North strong and free. From far and wide, O Canada. We stand on guard. For me. God keep our land. For me for thee. I've now become the king of Canada, haven't you heard? O Canada, we stand on guard for thee. O Canada, we stand on guard for thee. Woo! Look, it's a stakeout. Hey, what a the best that Bo has to offer. Which one did you get? That's That's the New York strip. The New York strip is mean. That's yours. You got the filet. This is a real stakeout. And I get what you mean now. Stakeout. Yes. And scene. Yeah, this is much better than looking at that guy's shorts and his ball bag hanging out. Mmm, that's good. Bad boy. Very, very good job.

What's under your bed?

A monster. Every time I look for it, it disappears until it's dark. Still whenever I go swimming, I'm still always envisioning like jaws underneath my legs, like the movie poster, you know?

Do you believe in love at first sight?

Yeah. Now watch as I take this big giant piece of fat out of my mouth. Considering this our first date. This is momentous. All right.

Okay, I'm gonna be the ultimate chick. What are you thinking about right now?

The steak is pretty good.

Is that the truth? Is that what you're really thinking?

No, it's good. From a male standpoint, I really like the color of your dress.

Those are two great thoughts. No, those are good ones. So, I really think you know, I think you and I would be a really great team on Comedy Central. I don't think you really need Nick anymore, do you?

I've been waiting begging for ways to get rid of that son of a

hey man, what's going on? I've been in the car for the last two hours. We're partners. Like We've been doing the show together. I'm Nikki. I'm Nick. Yeah, I know. I was supposed to do the interview too. I was supposed to get steak. We were supposed to

yeah, you were supposed to meet us at the corner of uh and

All right, start the questions again. Let's take the questions. How did you know we were here of all places?

What are you thinking right now? Betrayal.