What YOU Can Learn From Hollywood Romance

Published on Wednesday, February 24 2010

Written by Wes Ferguson

 

What can we learn from the often short-lived Hollywood romance?

For the men: Always use a condom. Women: Schmear (like cream cheese on a bagel) some makeup on when leaving his apt and doing the walk of shame. You might not get attacked by the paparazzi but child, the bright sun isn't so forgiving on those dark circles under your eyes.

Who is your favorite celebrity couple and why?

Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston. Never has there been another pairing in the Universe that has scooped us into their love affair like this one. Devastation occurred when we learned that Brad and Jen's relationship was over and we've publicly seen how Jen has gone through more failed romances than an Asian hooker during New York's fleet week, but theirs is a love that keeps us going.

Who is the worst celebrity couple in your opinion?

Paris Hilton and (insert name). Miss Thing knows as much about love as she does how to work an 8-hour shift.

Some couples actually make it! There are many long-standing celeb couplings that work: What are they doing that the others are not?

They're quiet, that's what they're doing right. They're like Mexican children who got the wrong present from the school's social worker; they just kept quiet and never leave home with it. (I can so totally say that because in the 6th grade I accidentally got a pair of new and expensive shoes that weren't meant for me -- ssh, they still don't know). So what does this mean for ordinary couples out there? Stop parading your new significant other around town and bringing him everywhere; people are mean and will try to snatch him away. Keep things low key and just enjoy being together. The world doesn't have to know all your business.

We see it happen in movies and TV all the time, but real-life flirting isn't so easy! Let's say you spot a fine mofo across the bar. What do you do?

I don't know what to say to the shy people out there, because you folks are the observers that don't take the initiative to walk up to a stranger and just take risks. There is no perfect formula, except in trying. When I see someone I like -- which usually means they're male and breathing -- I try making them laugh. Making someone chuckle or giggle will break down barriers and get the ball rolling. And in my case four balls if all goes well.