We all have them. They are those attributes we discover in our loved ones that push us away. They are red flags, warning signs, and heralds of impending doom. We ignore them at our own peril.Often times they are very subjective and personal. One man's deal breaker is another man's deal maker.

They range from the trite: He must have large hands and calf muscles,ù to the profound, they have to love our lord, savior and redeemer, Jesus Christ!ùBut more often than not, the same classic deal breakers appear time after time. You seldom notice a deal breaker on the first date. They usually manifest over time as you begin to notice the characterù of the other person.What are your deal breakers? Young Hollywood conducted a personal investigation and came up with a definitive list of the top five universal Deal Breakers.The Top Five Deal Breakers 1 The Player Red Flag: Promiscuity For the first time in history, sex is more dangerous than the cigarette afterward. ~Jay Leno Feared by both men and women alike, promiscuity tops the list. Physical infidelity is the signal that all fidelities have been undermined. Although a transgression or two can usually be forgiven, they are almost never forgotten. Sometimes, the very things that attract us to a person are the signs that they are players. Psychologically, we tend to be attracted to those with Alpha Status.ù Studies have shown that if a man or woman can attract the opposite sex with facility, then we will be more attracted to that person. We want what everyone else wants, particularly if we can't have it. Many home wreckers " those that break up a pre-existing relationship " are surprised when their mate decides it is time to get a new model all over again. We forget the simple wisdom: if he left her so easily for you, he might just as easily leave you one day. Maybe the girl at the car wash strikes his fancy, or perhaps the girl at Starbucks is looking good lately And that is why the players are the most dangerous people. They are constantly hunting, constantly dissatisfied with what they have, and constantly miserable. Does your boyfriend work later every night? Maybe it is a sign he is goal driven and committed, but others may see his absence as proof of emotional hollowness and infidelity. Maybe a pierced clitoris is innocuous, or even a turn on to some, but to others it is a red flag of self-loathing, promiscuity, and inevitable relationship turmoil. When you first meet a player, you feel heady with infatuation and bliss. Out of the doldrums of everyday life, all of a sudden a person appears who seems very into us, and we think the spell of loneliness is about to break. What we don't know at the time is that the player is like that every night with a different person. In fact, they have internalized their charismatic speech and they will even misdirect you with miscommunication about what they are looking for. The player will not lie about his accomplishments or his bachelorhood, but he will mislead you as to his goal for finding oneù person. Don't believe his stories about romance. The player is in love with falling in love, and not with you. Move on. 2 The Narcissis Red Flag: Shallowness Whoever loves becomes humble. Those who love have, so to speak, pawned a part of their narcissism.ù-Sigmund Freud It's true. As we fall in love, we gradually shed our narcissism. In the climate of love, we cannot afford our selfishness, the very antithesis of true sentiments. Females often say that a man can't stop talking about himself.ù Worse, when he does, he is usually scratches the surface of a topic all the while thinking he is profound. Maybe he is trying to impress you, but more than likely he just enjoys the sound of his own voice. And this drowns out your voice. Shallowness is rarely observed on a first date, but comes out after a few encounters. Warning signs: lack of solid purpose in their life and inability to make substantial commitments. Narcissists are the Paris Hiltons of the world. Most trust fund babies fall into this category, or anyone who can party without fear of a job to get to in the morning. And that captures the truth of narcissists: they are people without responsibility. They have not had any defining life experience that has broken their ability to live an illusory life filled with pretense and vacuous fantasy. In other words, they are not grounded. The most suitable mates usually have some crippling affliction. I know it sounds silly, but there is nothing a like an unplanned pregnancy, a disease, a non-invasive religion, or some morbid tragedy to make a girl lose her shallowness and become aligned with a higher purpose. Sometimes it's simpler: just having a job. Those who have to get up at 6 in the morning cannot afford to stay up at a club until 2 in the morning, let alone after hours. Here is a test for you. Whenever you leave an elite event at three in the morning, immediately go to a Jack in the Box in your area and as the diligent lady gives you your food, look her in the eyes and imagine her life, her responsibility, and her privileges. Are you working as hard as her, or are you partying as hard as she works? Let us assume you are not a narcissist; you are part of the vast community of decent people trying to get by in this world. Why then would you want to date one? Here is the two-fold litmus test for discovering a narcissist. First ask, Are you an actor?ù If they say no to that question, you can move on to the second question. Then ask, What is the purpose of your life?ù The answer to that question will illuminate your relationship. If they give you any answer that involves finding out who I amù, or any other ubiquitous display of the word I,ù then you k now what to do Move on. 3 The Cling-On Red Flag: Clinginess and Co-Dependency I hold this to be the highest task for a bond between two people: that each protects the solitude of the otherù Rainer Maria Rilke Because she doesn't have anything going on in her life, you have become her entire world. As a result, she is calling to get updates on your position every two hours. She abuses text messaging, and she becomes terribly insecure whenever you are in a social setting. This person is usually a MySpace addict, and she uses modern technology to keep constant tabs on every facet of your life. If you so much as smile at the Coffee Bean girl, she will find out about it, send the barista an angry letter, and then show up at your doorstep in tears. This relationship tends to oscillate in terms of frequents bursts of bliss and misery, and the relationship is usually sexual in nature (it covers up the fact that the friendship has been smothered). This person tends to view her lover as part of her own identity. If he stumbles and falls, she feels the pain. This person will almost always have a picture of her lover and herself on her MySpace profile, giving extra proof that her identity is on shaky ground. The Cling-On is characterized by restlessness. It is as if her lover might be taken away at any moment and she must remain vigilant and on her toes to keep him. They usually come from broken homes and have severe abandonment issues. If you ask her about her future, she will always mention her lover in her answer. She has forfeited, or at least compromised, much of her own personality in her addiction to her lover. When she walks into a social gathering, she will quickly find her lover and give a sociopathic stare to anyone else in the room. If she is invited to a social gathering without her lover, she will find a secluded spot to text her lover while ignoring any attempts to socialize. Abused women are not afraid to leave. They're afraid he'll leave. And that is the problem; they have placed too much power in the hands of their lover. And in their urge to keep their relationship, they smother it to death. Anything really good becomes torture if you get too much of it.ù In their attempt to keep the relationship alive, they always kill it. The best way to know if you are dating a Cling-On is to listen to your friends. They are in a better position to observe her in your absence, and to notice how her smothering affection might be affecting your adversely. However, if you are dating a Cling-On, it is usually because you welcome co-dependency, and for one reason or another, have decided to abandon personal space for a mother figure (or father figure). This is one of the most dangerous Deal Breakers because it is cloaked in the appearance of love. But real love is more trusting, more giving, and more free. If you are getting into fights every day with your mate, and you just can't seem to pull away for even a brief moment of reflection, then it is time to Move On. 4 The Drifter Red Flag: Idleness, The Idolatry of Comfort A ship is safe in harbor, but that's not what ships are for.ù William Shedd What's a sundial in the shade?ùBenjamin Franklin Anyone who has listened to Adam Carolla on Love Line knows all to well the familiar scenario: an 18 year old girl calls the station and bemoans the possessive 28 year old boyfriend she has, and how they are fighting all the time. Young girls frequently fall prey to The Drifter.ù When the drifter took time off from college to find himself at 22, everyone understood. But when the drifter kept buying six packs of beer and ounces of weed at the age of 30, we took notice. The Drifter lives in fear. He doesn't know if he can measure up, so he does the most reasonable thing: he lowers his standards. He finds cheap rent, a low responsibility job, and buddies that will enable his escapist behavior. He always talks about the big life he is going to have, but this life is always a blurry dot on the horizon as he lights up another joint. So why do the girls fall for him? While others spent their twenties mastering med school, Wall Street, or a skilled trade, the Drifter used the same time to master the art of cool. He has tattoos, great stories about the band he used to be in, and a pretty gnarly motorcycle in his shed. He usually goes after very young girls because he knows he can't get the ones his age. He just doesn't have enough assets, and his awesome rendition of Oasis' Don't Look Back in Angerù doesn't seem to work on anyone over 25. But younger girls see The Drifter as a Zen hippy that has it all figured out. He personifies all the things that daddy said to avoid, so the young girl runs to The Drifter the same way she would run away from home " she just wants to get away. How do you know if you are dating a Drifter? The Drifter is chiefly concerned with his Lifestyleù above all other things. In a healthy relationship, people usually meet each other half way, creating a more perfect union than when the individuals are alone. The Drifter, however, will not budge from his comfortable routine. This is identifying characteristic. He will actually try to get you to love pot, beer, and hanging out as much as he does. If you don't, he is chemically satiated enough so that he can do without you. In this way, the Drifter is closely related to the Addict. The Drifter takes the easy road every time. But this road goes in the opposite direction of spiritual growth, so if you find yourself with the Drifter Move on. 5 The Scenester Red Flag: Hedonism, Insecurity. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.ù Mitch Albom The Scenesters are empty. But they don't want to be. They want meaningful conversation, meaningful relationships, and meaningful careers, and yet all of these things always elude them. Why? Because they aren't looking in the right places. Instead of going in, they go out. Instead of working their craft, they work the room. Instead of sleeping, they're sleeping around. They love to party because they can't stand boredom. They never say no. They like to be around magnificent people because it makes them feel more relevant. They are the parasites of the entertainment industry. Hot Spots are the stomping ground for these insecure people. Scenesters love to hit the best clubs, then the best after hours, then the best Dennys for breakfast. Then they have to explain to their family or significant other why they're so tired. Worse, the cycle becomes addictive and they find no way out. The moment the dreaded boredom sets in, they begin thinking of all the friends they will soon see in the fast lane. M was a gorgeous girl who was studying at USC. She had just moved from the Midwest with grand goals of becoming an actress. She was very grounded, intelligent, and although her father worked in the entertainment industry, she deplored the dark side of the business and managed to stick to her goals. Before long, however, M was hitting The Sceneù. She would wake up in the afternoon after a night of constant partying, and then go out again. She would repeat this cycle every night. She would hang with Leonardo DiCaprio, Tobey Maguire, and their assorted entourages and before too long, she knew about their sexual fetishes, their homosexual liaisons, and their favorite drugs of choices. M never became the actress she dreamed of becoming. Instead, a crippling drug habit forced her out of USC, and an STD she contracted in the very promiscuous Sceneù devastated her self-esteem and perpetuated her cycle of self-destruction. On the outside you would never be able to tell anything was wrong with M. She looks pristine, even happy, as she gets out of her expensive car and enters Element, Area, or any number of local clubs. But as a doorman for all the A-List clubs observed about M and girls of her ilk: These girls lose their souls. They think they are making connections, but they lose their integrity and end up hanging out with the shadiest elements of Hollywood. They don't even have eyes that look at you anymore --just-black coals and emptiness. They are lost souls.ù These girls ALWAYS deny they are part of this netherworld, or they state they are there for a legitimate reason such as networking -- but in the same manner that a guy who bums a cigarette is a smoker, so too are these girls a part of LA's vampire set. How do you know if you are dating a Scenester? They will keep odd hours. In lieu of some loyal best friends, they will have a myriad of acquaintances that they must check up with at all the clubs. Scenesters are usually on the periphery of the entertainment industry, since their lack of character and promiscuity prohibits them moving up the food chain too far. Not only that, they just can't make the hours. Scenesters are most characterized, however, by one word: Jaded. Jaded is a word used in popular culture, especially youth in the United States. Usually, jadedù has to do with being tired-out, exhausted, or even tired-of-something.ù The end result of having a steady flow of negative experiences, disappointment, and unfulfillment. Jaded is also related to boredom, which is the mental state that fills the void left by so much self-indulgence, decadence, partying, and consumption. Never envy another person for his or her station in life for the law of the world is such that everything is balanced. The very person who is given great prestige, is softened by that very gift. Or as Emerson says, Every faculty which is a receiver of pleasure has an equal penalty put on its abuse.ù Thus the person who has the privilege of going out very late, only wakes to find himself fatigued, and without vision. Vision is forged through adversity. This is why Ashton Kutcher can't make a film of merit. Or why Tara Reid and her ilk are known more for their escapades than their roles. They are just having too much fun. Scenesters are just having too much fun. They bent the notion of Carpe Diemù so far that it broke in half. And why would you want to date someone who is jaded when the world has so much to offer beyond the velvet rope of Los Angeles and New York clubs? If your partner begins to talk too much about their ambitions in Hollywood and winds up in the fast lane, it's time to pull over Move on.

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