When I think of my happy place, I think of a place where my closet friends are, dolled up in couture, dancing on booths and tabletops to my fave song in the newest, hottest club in town. Now I realize this happy place of mine does exist. My dream has become a reality. One night in 2004 at the hotspot Josephs, Carlos Lopez founded Cluballah.

Shortly after that The Cluballah Celebrity Center was born! Phew! Finally, there was a place to help one stay true to one's calling and to embrace all things beautiful, trendy, and HOT. Kuballah and Scientology are out. Sorry Tom, Love ya but There's a new religion to hit the streets and they don't ask for a dime of my money unless of course you want to bid on one of the chicly designed bracelets on E-bay or you want to donate to the bottle service fund. The application process is harder than a college app, but, if you live an extravagant jet setting lifestyle, you'll get in. That is if you pass all of Carlos' tests and don't even think about lying cause there are spies everywhere. Trust that he'll know if your lying and you'll have to prove yourself. For example, you'll have to send in your Mr. Chows receipts. When accepted you'll receive a welcome kit including a tee shirt, bracelet and the 10 commandments which is our way of life. The application has questions referring to your lifestyle (i.e. What kind of vehicle do you drive? And if you don't drive, who is your car service?) Not to worry cause in this religion they'll give rejected applicants a free transformation by top image consultants so they can have a second chance at getting accepted. Just like all other religions there are 10 commandments you must follow. They're just a little different Commandment #6: You can never be seen waiting in any types of lines, especially clubs and restaurants.Or Commandment #9: You must Dance on tables and throw ice at ugly club rat table lurkers.Don't worry. You'll never forget them cause they're written on matchbooks and will be in every hot spot in town. Cluballah water will become more popular than Fiji because it'll be at all hot clubs. This way you'll know if the club is Cluballah approved if the water is part of the drink menu. There's a level system based upon the color of your bracelet. Gold being the best Obviiand Black taking you back to basics. There's hope that you'll be able to move up the ladder if by chance you're life takes a drastic turn. Winning the lottery doesn't count In this religion there's no discrimination to sober peeps. In fact they're welcomed because AA is a lasting trend in Hollywood; it also means that once upon a time in their life they were party animals who danced on table tops and had to get carried out of the clubs. The only problem: there isn't room for everyone in this religion. Just the cr®me de la cr®me, handpicked worldwide from Prague, Aspen, NYC, and even Tokyo. The Website is in the process of it's own makeover and it'll be coming soon to a computer screen near you. If I were you I'd check it out immediately. The spots are filling up quickly and in this town a loserwill always be a loser, and better yet, this religion helps you reflect on yourself. I mean there are mirrors everywhere. Just like you could spot one of those ugly Kuballah red string bracelets from a mile away, you'll be able to spot the inner circlebracelet this way you'll be able to know by the check of a right wrist if you are in or out. For an application go to www.cluballah.com and see if you're cool enough to be a Cluballian. by THE HOLLYWOOD BRAT

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