Michelle Rodriguez was jealous when Paul Walker died.
The Fast and the Furious actor was killed in a car crash in November 2013, aged 40. Following his passing, many cast members have spoken of just how difficult they found it to come to terms with.
But in a new documentary called The Reality of Truth, in which Michelle was under the influence of a psychedelic plant called Ayahuasca, the actress revealed her true feelings about his death.
"I have to say, you know, when I lost Paul, I went through about a year of just being an animal," Michelle says in footage from the documentary obtained by TMZ.com. "Like, what could I do, physically, to just get my mind off of existentialism? Get my mind off of how transient life is and how we come here and can just disappear at any moment. How could I get my mind off that?
"I did everything I could possibly do to hide from myself and I'll tell you that my ayahuasca trip made me sad that he left me here. It wasn't a sadness that he's gone, it's more like a jealousy that he's there first."
Michelle also revealed in the documentary that the Ayahuasca had led to her having an "awakening" and "brought the destruction of everything I’ve ever known."
The 37-year-old actress has previously spoken of how Paul's death affected her, but the new documentary is perhaps the most honest she has been about it.
During an interview with Entertainment Weekly last year (15), Michelle admitted she "went crazy" after Paul was killed.
“I actually went on a bit of a binge,” she said. “I went pretty crazy. A lot of the stuff I did last year I would never do had I been in my right mind.
“I could see Paul once every two years and just know there was another human on the planet who’s deep like me, who loves like that. When that disappears, you wonder, ‘Wait a minute, what do I hold on to?’ There was nothing to tether me to this existence: ‘Why am I f**king here? And, like, why’d you leave without me?’”